The Walk of Shame

The walk of shame unfortunately happens in strip clubs everyday across America. This is where the customer gets too excited during a lapdance and bust (cums, releases, jacks, jizzes) all over himself, leaving a wet residue stain on his pants, which is easily noticeable by the other customers. Yes, sounds gross or nasty, but the unfortunate part is when the customer has to walk from point A to point B in the club with the stain of shame exposed to everyone. You better believe, it’s noticeable and very laughable. This post is dedicated to you quick draw Mcgraw shooters! Ive always wondered what the dancers thought of this. Here are a few types of people who handle this dilemma differently.

1. The Proud Buster aka Mr. Gotel
He feels as though he has gotten his monies worth when he bust. He proudly displays the stain as if he has gotten over on the club. Then Go tells everyone he knows Like, “don’t tell anyone but I busted” or “look at me, Im satisfied and can go home now!”

2. The Lean with it Rock with it
This customer leans over when he walks after the bust. He leans in order to have his untucked shirt cover the stain. Usually you’ll look at him and think he has a back problem, until you realize he has jiz juice on his pants

3. The Pocketer
This person puts their hands in their pockets while they walk hoping to scrunch the stain out of existence. The problem is, you look like an 8 year old kid trying to hold his piss in, plus it just doesn’t work. You end up looking like rainman with a stain man.

4. The Cover up
This guy buys a drink and carries it in front of the stain for the rest of the night. Good in theory, but in reality NOBODY CARRIES THEIR DRINK THAT LOW!

5. The Spiller
The spiller has guts! He buys a drink and purposely spills it on himself on the stained part of his pants (pretending to be an accident). It does the trick in some clubs, but if they have the black light, you can still tell. Either way, I think the dancers know what you’re doing.

6. The leaver
This guy, damn near runs out the club like it was on fire after he bust. He hides behind chairs, tables and bar stools until he makes it to the exit. Running out of there like OJ in an airport, or George Castanza in an apt fire.

I don’t know the best way to handle it, but that’s just some of the ways I’ve seen others handle it. So if you are the “sensitive” type, you might want to unload before you come to the club. Take care and take heed.

sneeks

Bouncer Rules Vol. 1

These are things I’ve seen people (friends or strangers) do in order to get kicked out of strip clubs. These stories may be expanded in the future. For now, they are part of the Bouncer Rules Vol. 1. This is just a list of five, in no particular order.

1.
DON’T ATTEMPT TO STICK ANYTHING IN A DANCER- This includes fingers and chicken bones. Yes, chicken bones. I was once at a strip club in Flint, Mi. where I saw a man try to stick a chicken bone in a stripper from behind. First she thought it was a finger and got pissed…….but when she realized it was a chicken bone she tried to kill the man.

2.
SNEEZE ON A STRIPPER- Yeah, I saw a guy get a lapdance and sneeze boogers on the strippers back. He got tossed. She on the other hand couldn’t get a guy to buy a lapdance from her for the rest of the night.

3.
DO NOT THROW COINS - Quarters, nickels, dimes, half dollars or pennies. Do not throw coins! It’s an automatic quick toss. Plus, coins hurt strippers! They can get hit in the eye or worse, slip on a coin with their clear heels and fall on their titty. Nobody wants to see a bruised titty. Please tip dollars, not coins. (Canada loony stories to come)

4.
DO NOT WAD UP MONEY THEN THROW IT- As harmless as it may seem, sometimes dancers feel degraded by that. Plus, dancers go to the club to dance for tips, not play dodge ball from them.

5.
WHIP YOUR JUNK OUT- This is an automatic ass kicking (unless it was advised by said stripper in private area of club). This is how people get the title of “pervert”. That’s the last title you want to have if you are trying to keep a job.

These are just the first five to come to mind, may be a Vol. 2 later. Take care and take heed.

Sneeks

Beautiful Stain

Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad at a strip club. I just moved back to Detroit from Atlanta and decided to go to an old hole in the wall strip club that I used to frequent every now and then before I was transferred from the city. When I arrived there, I was surprised to see that the rat hole scum bag dump of a place I was expecting to see had turned into a half way decent spot under “New Management”. “New Management” meaning the bullet holes on the wall were replaced by mirrors, the sign outside was now actually lit and the tables actually had some décor. The biggest and best improvement of all……the LADIES!!!! The “old management” would hire any raggedy ass flap jack un even tittied dancer that was able to “tip out” at the end of the night despite her flaws (flaws = Stab wounds, cigarette burns, bullet holes, pimp slap bruises, c section scars, stretch marks, buck fifty scars, fat, thick about to be fat, skinny from crack not skinny from working out, runny noses, bumps on arms, pimples on leg, British teeth, herpes lip, bad wig/weave). The “New Management” woman were top 10 WINNERS, DIMES, FINE, In Shape Fine, Thick Fine, Skinny fine, six pack Fine, beautiful face and body fine, Fake booby fine, Real booby Fine, big booby fine, little booby fine, all types of booty fine……FINE! That right there made me happy :0)

When I walked in the spot, one of the FINER strippers comes over and starts her “stripper conversation”. “Stripper conversation” is a bunch of bullshit questions leading up to the real question, which is “do you want a dance?”. Her stripper convo was pretty cool, witty, and intelligent which made her even hotter! Apparently, the strippers here were on their “A” game. We have a few drinks and laughs, then she finally ask the real question, “would you like a dance?”. I looked at her in shape, fine framed body and stated, “HELL YEAH!”. She gave me one of the best lap dances I could remember at that moment. I get excited (in my pants, no outside the pants action), she feels my excitement and goes to work. She just straddled that area back and forth. She seemed like she was enjoying it more than me. Moaning and stuff, Im thinking “Damn, momma! Do your thing….just not too loud” then I got to thinking, “I wish she’d do this dance while shuttin the fuck up” but she seemed like she was really into it. That’s cool, better than her being a dead fish. So, I pay for my dances, have another drink and leave.

I get home, still excited by the art of grinding displayed by the dancing talent, I decide to take a shower. I take off my pants and notice a brown stain on the leg part of my pants. I pull the stained part of my pant leg up closer to my face to guess where the stain came from and GOOD MERCY OF WOWSERS! The stain smelled like skunk shit! The stripper must have forgotten to wipe her ass after her last bowel movement and gave me the lapdance while accidentally wiping all of her nasty stenched dooky on my pant leg! Im pissed! My brand new pants now smell like a sardine and Limburger cheese sandwich. To top it off there are dried up crystals, like when a chick is wet (wet from horniness, not from pissing on herself…..we call it clitty litter) mixed in with the fecal matter on my leg! Needless to say, I haven’t been back to that spot since. I took the pants to the cleaners but still haven’t worn them again to this day. Maybe I should give them to the Salvation Army. I just feel bad giving any body my shitty left over pants. Oh well, I enjoyed the lap dance while it lasted. I guess the smell of stripper perfume, cigarettes and alcohol covered up the boo boo smell at the club. This leads me to the point of this story.

Smell the strippers good before you get a dance. You don’t want your pants smelling like bad pussy and shit.

sneeks