Beautiful Stain

Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad at a strip club. I just moved back to Detroit from Atlanta and decided to go to an old hole in the wall strip club that I used to frequent every now and then before I was transferred from the city. When I arrived there, I was surprised to see that the rat hole scum bag dump of a place I was expecting to see had turned into a half way decent spot under “New Management”. “New Management” meaning the bullet holes on the wall were replaced by mirrors, the sign outside was now actually lit and the tables actually had some décor. The biggest and best improvement of all……the LADIES!!!! The “old management” would hire any raggedy ass flap jack un even tittied dancer that was able to “tip out” at the end of the night despite her flaws (flaws = Stab wounds, cigarette burns, bullet holes, pimp slap bruises, c section scars, stretch marks, buck fifty scars, fat, thick about to be fat, skinny from crack not skinny from working out, runny noses, bumps on arms, pimples on leg, British teeth, herpes lip, bad wig/weave). The “New Management” woman were top 10 WINNERS, DIMES, FINE, In Shape Fine, Thick Fine, Skinny fine, six pack Fine, beautiful face and body fine, Fake booby fine, Real booby Fine, big booby fine, little booby fine, all types of booty fine……FINE! That right there made me happy :0)

When I walked in the spot, one of the FINER strippers comes over and starts her “stripper conversation”. “Stripper conversation” is a bunch of bullshit questions leading up to the real question, which is “do you want a dance?”. Her stripper convo was pretty cool, witty, and intelligent which made her even hotter! Apparently, the strippers here were on their “A” game. We have a few drinks and laughs, then she finally ask the real question, “would you like a dance?”. I looked at her in shape, fine framed body and stated, “HELL YEAH!”. She gave me one of the best lap dances I could remember at that moment. I get excited (in my pants, no outside the pants action), she feels my excitement and goes to work. She just straddled that area back and forth. She seemed like she was enjoying it more than me. Moaning and stuff, Im thinking “Damn, momma! Do your thing….just not too loud” then I got to thinking, “I wish she’d do this dance while shuttin the fuck up” but she seemed like she was really into it. That’s cool, better than her being a dead fish. So, I pay for my dances, have another drink and leave.

I get home, still excited by the art of grinding displayed by the dancing talent, I decide to take a shower. I take off my pants and notice a brown stain on the leg part of my pants. I pull the stained part of my pant leg up closer to my face to guess where the stain came from and GOOD MERCY OF WOWSERS! The stain smelled like skunk shit! The stripper must have forgotten to wipe her ass after her last bowel movement and gave me the lapdance while accidentally wiping all of her nasty stenched dooky on my pant leg! Im pissed! My brand new pants now smell like a sardine and Limburger cheese sandwich. To top it off there are dried up crystals, like when a chick is wet (wet from horniness, not from pissing on herself…..we call it clitty litter) mixed in with the fecal matter on my leg! Needless to say, I haven’t been back to that spot since. I took the pants to the cleaners but still haven’t worn them again to this day. Maybe I should give them to the Salvation Army. I just feel bad giving any body my shitty left over pants. Oh well, I enjoyed the lap dance while it lasted. I guess the smell of stripper perfume, cigarettes and alcohol covered up the boo boo smell at the club. This leads me to the point of this story.

Smell the strippers good before you get a dance. You don’t want your pants smelling like bad pussy and shit.

sneeks