Kicking it in Connecticut

When I lived in Connecticut, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the strip club scene. I’d go every now and then but for some reason never became a “Fan”. What can I say, some strip club states are better than others.

When my friend Mark came to visit from Detroit he wanted to go to the Strip club. He loves them! So I reluctantly go. He’s married with kids, he’s on vacation to see me, as a friend I feel obligated to take him to the spots he wants to go to. I give him the choice of Upscale strip club or Dive, he chooses Upscale (don’t worry; I have enough stories about the dives).

We get to the club and sit at the stage. I hate sitting at the stage. Everyone can see what you are doing. There is too much attention on you when you sit at the stage. Sitting at the stage is for frat boys and old men.  It was a slow night, so I didn’t mind plus Mark is 6’10” so no matter where he sits he gets attention. So to him it doesn’t matter.

At the stage we are tipping, having a good time. Then one stripper comes on stage. She’s Tall and slender with some big ol beautiful firm fake titties (sorry for the immature description, but it is what it is). She looked like an airbrushed playboy model. She had the expensive high quality thick clear heeled stilettos on too (strippers know what I’m talking about).

She walked on stage, looked at my friend, grabbed the pole, jumped up and “attempted” to do a 720 degree pole spin. I say “attempted” because at about the 610 degree mark her hands slip off the pole and she goes flying into the air. Then “BAM!” she accidentally kicks the living shit out of Mark in the face with her high quality strong built clear stiletto heel! It looked like some shit out of a chuck Norris movie. My friend falls to the ground with blood gushing from his face! The stripper is okay and apologizing almost in tears (faking I think). ME, Im LOLOLOLOLOLOL while asking if he is okay. Im laughing with concern while saying, “He’s cut Mick!”.

Mark’s like, “Im okay everyone”, the barmaid and myself are like, “NO YOU NOT! Sheeiiit!”, He has blood on his face, I have blood in my drink and the dancer has blood on her shoe (and no its not from that time of the month either). The manager and owner come over with paper towels, alcohol, bandage wrap, big ass band aids and vodka (yes, vodka). My friend was okay, he just got kicked above the eye, it was a very little gash but for some reason that little gash was bleeding pretty tough. He put the big ass band aid and wrap on it, he looked like a dork but he was okay and that’s what mattered.

The owner felt bad and said everything was on him for the rest of the night. When he said EVERYTHING, he meant EVERYTHING. I know he thought we would pick free lapdances or something silly like that, but uh uh, we both pointed at the Johnny Walker Blue Label at the top of the shelf. The owner said, “Ef it!” Then Mark, the owner and myself indulged in some very fine scotch…….along with a few of the beautiful ladies.

At the beginning of the night I hated CT strip clubs…..at the end, because my friend got molly whopped in the face by a strippers clear heeled stiletto, that club has become one of my favorites. VIP access kicks ass!


Take care and take heed