I went to go see a D.J. friend of mine the other night, he Deejays at a (you guessed it!) STRIP CLUB. I was in the club less than 5 minutes. While there, I see a table of "BALLERS" making it "RAIN" on a couple of girls. One guy takes the wrap off his hundred stack, throws it in the air and it rains money. The next guy takes the wrap off his stack and makes it rain too. The third guy FORGOT to take the wrap off of his stack and threw it at his girl and the stack of wrapped money busted her in the face! She must have been new to those stilettos cause she got off balance and wobbled down to the ground. The funniest part was after the stack busted her in the face she was still trying to catch it while she was falling. The second she hit the ground the first thing she did was jump on that stack like a fumbled football. The entire place was laughing even the stripper. I laughed at that shit all the way home.
Because this weeks story was so short (it just happened so I had to post it), I've provided a link to Adult Swims online game POLE DANCE HERO! I hope you enjoy as much as me. The beats on there are pretty nice. I think I hear a little MC Chris on one of them. Below is a youtube demo of one of the songs and a youtube demo of how to play, then the link to the game.
http://games.adultswim.com/pole-dance-hero-twitchy-online-game.html
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Kicking it in Connecticut
When I lived in Connecticut, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the strip club scene. I’d go every now and then but for some reason never became a “Fan”. What can I say, some strip club states are better than others.
When my friend Mark came to visit from Detroit he wanted to go to the Strip club. He loves them! So I reluctantly go. He’s married with kids, he’s on vacation to see me, as a friend I feel obligated to take him to the spots he wants to go to. I give him the choice of Upscale strip club or Dive, he chooses Upscale (don’t worry; I have enough stories about the dives).
We get to the club and sit at the stage. I hate sitting at the stage. Everyone can see what you are doing. There is too much attention on you when you sit at the stage. Sitting at the stage is for frat boys and old men. It was a slow night, so I didn’t mind plus Mark is 6’10” so no matter where he sits he gets attention. So to him it doesn’t matter.
At the stage we are tipping, having a good time. Then one stripper comes on stage. She’s Tall and slender with some big ol beautiful firm fake titties (sorry for the immature description, but it is what it is). She looked like an airbrushed playboy model. She had the expensive high quality thick clear heeled stilettos on too (strippers know what I’m talking about).
She walked on stage, looked at my friend, grabbed the pole, jumped up and “attempted” to do a 720 degree pole spin. I say “attempted” because at about the 610 degree mark her hands slip off the pole and she goes flying into the air. Then “BAM!” she accidentally kicks the living shit out of Mark in the face with her high quality strong built clear stiletto heel! It looked like some shit out of a chuck Norris movie. My friend falls to the ground with blood gushing from his face! The stripper is okay and apologizing almost in tears (faking I think). ME, Im LOLOLOLOLOLOL while asking if he is okay. Im laughing with concern while saying, “He’s cut Mick!”.
Mark’s like, “Im okay everyone”, the barmaid and myself are like, “NO YOU NOT! Sheeiiit!”, He has blood on his face, I have blood in my drink and the dancer has blood on her shoe (and no its not from that time of the month either). The manager and owner come over with paper towels, alcohol, bandage wrap, big ass band aids and vodka (yes, vodka). My friend was okay, he just got kicked above the eye, it was a very little gash but for some reason that little gash was bleeding pretty tough. He put the big ass band aid and wrap on it, he looked like a dork but he was okay and that’s what mattered.
The owner felt bad and said everything was on him for the rest of the night. When he said EVERYTHING, he meant EVERYTHING. I know he thought we would pick free lapdances or something silly like that, but uh uh, we both pointed at the Johnny Walker Blue Label at the top of the shelf. The owner said, “Ef it!” Then Mark, the owner and myself indulged in some very fine scotch…….along with a few of the beautiful ladies.
At the beginning of the night I hated CT strip clubs…..at the end, because my friend got molly whopped in the face by a strippers clear heeled stiletto, that club has become one of my favorites. VIP access kicks ass!
Take care and take heed
When my friend Mark came to visit from Detroit he wanted to go to the Strip club. He loves them! So I reluctantly go. He’s married with kids, he’s on vacation to see me, as a friend I feel obligated to take him to the spots he wants to go to. I give him the choice of Upscale strip club or Dive, he chooses Upscale (don’t worry; I have enough stories about the dives).
We get to the club and sit at the stage. I hate sitting at the stage. Everyone can see what you are doing. There is too much attention on you when you sit at the stage. Sitting at the stage is for frat boys and old men. It was a slow night, so I didn’t mind plus Mark is 6’10” so no matter where he sits he gets attention. So to him it doesn’t matter.
At the stage we are tipping, having a good time. Then one stripper comes on stage. She’s Tall and slender with some big ol beautiful firm fake titties (sorry for the immature description, but it is what it is). She looked like an airbrushed playboy model. She had the expensive high quality thick clear heeled stilettos on too (strippers know what I’m talking about).
She walked on stage, looked at my friend, grabbed the pole, jumped up and “attempted” to do a 720 degree pole spin. I say “attempted” because at about the 610 degree mark her hands slip off the pole and she goes flying into the air. Then “BAM!” she accidentally kicks the living shit out of Mark in the face with her high quality strong built clear stiletto heel! It looked like some shit out of a chuck Norris movie. My friend falls to the ground with blood gushing from his face! The stripper is okay and apologizing almost in tears (faking I think). ME, Im LOLOLOLOLOLOL while asking if he is okay. Im laughing with concern while saying, “He’s cut Mick!”.
Mark’s like, “Im okay everyone”, the barmaid and myself are like, “NO YOU NOT! Sheeiiit!”, He has blood on his face, I have blood in my drink and the dancer has blood on her shoe (and no its not from that time of the month either). The manager and owner come over with paper towels, alcohol, bandage wrap, big ass band aids and vodka (yes, vodka). My friend was okay, he just got kicked above the eye, it was a very little gash but for some reason that little gash was bleeding pretty tough. He put the big ass band aid and wrap on it, he looked like a dork but he was okay and that’s what mattered.
The owner felt bad and said everything was on him for the rest of the night. When he said EVERYTHING, he meant EVERYTHING. I know he thought we would pick free lapdances or something silly like that, but uh uh, we both pointed at the Johnny Walker Blue Label at the top of the shelf. The owner said, “Ef it!” Then Mark, the owner and myself indulged in some very fine scotch…….along with a few of the beautiful ladies.
At the beginning of the night I hated CT strip clubs…..at the end, because my friend got molly whopped in the face by a strippers clear heeled stiletto, that club has become one of my favorites. VIP access kicks ass!
Take care and take heed
Thursday, January 14, 2010
N.C. Tar Heel
At times bachelor parties are just as great as strip clubs. Especially the ones that aren’t at strip clubs. Then again, sometimes they can be a bust and you wish you had just taken the bachelor to the strip club in the first place. This story is about one of the better bachelor parties I’ve been to. Not one that I threw, but one that I attended in North Carolina.
While on a trip to N.C. I ran into an old friend of mine who stated he was throwing a bachelor party. We’ll call my old friend, Mike. I told Mike I’d come because it looked like Mike was very excited about this function he put together. I mean, damn, Mike was more excited than the actual bachelor. That evening I get there, and Mike "did good". It was in a gigantic hotel suite with 3 different rooms. The dancers were all 8,9 and 10’s. Just all types of fine (which is hard to do for a bachelor party). Im talking perfect asses (of all sizes) and perfect titties (of all sizes) shaking and bouncing everywhere. Everyone was happy :0)
Then came time for “the show”. "The show" is when a dancer or couple dancers do a special presentation for just the bachelor. This show was different; it was just one girl doing the presentation. It was an athletically built voluptuous young lady doing the honors. If I remember, her name was Sandy.
To start the show, Sandy told the bachelor to take off his shoe. He took of his shoe. She then put a condom on his foot (yes, a condom). She then lubed the condom with about two packs of K-Y Jelly. Next she proceeded to put the lubed condom foot into her…uhhh..as Oprah and Gayle would say…her va jay jay (vagina, xbox, vertical smile, pussy, whatever). As she is very very slowly putting the toe part inside of her, the bachelor leans over to get a better look. When he leans, he falls off the chair. While falling off the chair he accidentally shoves his entire foot up her twat! You hear him say, “ohhh shit!” and you hear her yell, “UHGGUGHGUGHGUGHGUGGHG!”. She then pulls the foot out her pussy and runs to the back room holding her stomach as if she just got sucker punched in the gut.
Me being nosey ol’ me, I go to the back room to see if she is okay. She says in her N.C. accent voice, “Yeah, I’m cool, I just didn’t expect all that foot pushed up in me at one time.” She lets me know she feels okay and is disappointed she couldn’t finish her routine. I’m like, “what routine is that?” Then one of the strippers who was comforting her handed her four pool cue balls. She then inserted them inside her and shot each one out like the skee ball machine at chuckie cheese. I said, “DAMN! At least we know he didn’t break your pussy!”
When I left, I was happy to know the strippers pussy wasn’t busted, but I couldn’t help but wonder how the bachelors foot was doing. Needless to say Mike feels he’s thrown the best Bachelor party ever.......well that was until he came to the one I threw. Details to come. Lol.
Take heed and take care
While on a trip to N.C. I ran into an old friend of mine who stated he was throwing a bachelor party. We’ll call my old friend, Mike. I told Mike I’d come because it looked like Mike was very excited about this function he put together. I mean, damn, Mike was more excited than the actual bachelor. That evening I get there, and Mike "did good". It was in a gigantic hotel suite with 3 different rooms. The dancers were all 8,9 and 10’s. Just all types of fine (which is hard to do for a bachelor party). Im talking perfect asses (of all sizes) and perfect titties (of all sizes) shaking and bouncing everywhere. Everyone was happy :0)
Then came time for “the show”. "The show" is when a dancer or couple dancers do a special presentation for just the bachelor. This show was different; it was just one girl doing the presentation. It was an athletically built voluptuous young lady doing the honors. If I remember, her name was Sandy.
To start the show, Sandy told the bachelor to take off his shoe. He took of his shoe. She then put a condom on his foot (yes, a condom). She then lubed the condom with about two packs of K-Y Jelly. Next she proceeded to put the lubed condom foot into her…uhhh..as Oprah and Gayle would say…her va jay jay (vagina, xbox, vertical smile, pussy, whatever). As she is very very slowly putting the toe part inside of her, the bachelor leans over to get a better look. When he leans, he falls off the chair. While falling off the chair he accidentally shoves his entire foot up her twat! You hear him say, “ohhh shit!” and you hear her yell, “UHGGUGHGUGHGUGHGUGGHG!”. She then pulls the foot out her pussy and runs to the back room holding her stomach as if she just got sucker punched in the gut.
Me being nosey ol’ me, I go to the back room to see if she is okay. She says in her N.C. accent voice, “Yeah, I’m cool, I just didn’t expect all that foot pushed up in me at one time.” She lets me know she feels okay and is disappointed she couldn’t finish her routine. I’m like, “what routine is that?” Then one of the strippers who was comforting her handed her four pool cue balls. She then inserted them inside her and shot each one out like the skee ball machine at chuckie cheese. I said, “DAMN! At least we know he didn’t break your pussy!”
When I left, I was happy to know the strippers pussy wasn’t busted, but I couldn’t help but wonder how the bachelors foot was doing. Needless to say Mike feels he’s thrown the best Bachelor party ever.......well that was until he came to the one I threw. Details to come. Lol.
Take heed and take care
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Walk of Shame
The walk of shame unfortunately happens in strip clubs everyday across America. This is where the customer gets too excited during a lapdance and bust (cums, releases, jacks, jizzes) all over himself, leaving a wet residue stain on his pants, which is easily noticeable by the other customers. Yes, sounds gross or nasty, but the unfortunate part is when the customer has to walk from point A to point B in the club with the stain of shame exposed to everyone. You better believe, it’s noticeable and very laughable. This post is dedicated to you quick draw Mcgraw shooters! Ive always wondered what the dancers thought of this. Here are a few types of people who handle this dilemma differently.
1. The Proud Buster aka Mr. Gotel
He feels as though he has gotten his monies worth when he bust. He proudly displays the stain as if he has gotten over on the club. Then Go tells everyone he knows Like, “don’t tell anyone but I busted” or “look at me, Im satisfied and can go home now!”
2. The Lean with it Rock with it
This customer leans over when he walks after the bust. He leans in order to have his untucked shirt cover the stain. Usually you’ll look at him and think he has a back problem, until you realize he has jiz juice on his pants
3. The Pocketer
This person puts their hands in their pockets while they walk hoping to scrunch the stain out of existence. The problem is, you look like an 8 year old kid trying to hold his piss in, plus it just doesn’t work. You end up looking like rainman with a stain man.
4. The Cover up
This guy buys a drink and carries it in front of the stain for the rest of the night. Good in theory, but in reality NOBODY CARRIES THEIR DRINK THAT LOW!
5. The Spiller
The spiller has guts! He buys a drink and purposely spills it on himself on the stained part of his pants (pretending to be an accident). It does the trick in some clubs, but if they have the black light, you can still tell. Either way, I think the dancers know what you’re doing.
6. The leaver
This guy, damn near runs out the club like it was on fire after he bust. He hides behind chairs, tables and bar stools until he makes it to the exit. Running out of there like OJ in an airport, or George Castanza in an apt fire.
I don’t know the best way to handle it, but that’s just some of the ways I’ve seen others handle it. So if you are the “sensitive” type, you might want to unload before you come to the club. Take care and take heed.
sneeks
1. The Proud Buster aka Mr. Gotel
He feels as though he has gotten his monies worth when he bust. He proudly displays the stain as if he has gotten over on the club. Then Go tells everyone he knows Like, “don’t tell anyone but I busted” or “look at me, Im satisfied and can go home now!”
2. The Lean with it Rock with it
This customer leans over when he walks after the bust. He leans in order to have his untucked shirt cover the stain. Usually you’ll look at him and think he has a back problem, until you realize he has jiz juice on his pants
3. The Pocketer
This person puts their hands in their pockets while they walk hoping to scrunch the stain out of existence. The problem is, you look like an 8 year old kid trying to hold his piss in, plus it just doesn’t work. You end up looking like rainman with a stain man.
4. The Cover up
This guy buys a drink and carries it in front of the stain for the rest of the night. Good in theory, but in reality NOBODY CARRIES THEIR DRINK THAT LOW!
5. The Spiller
The spiller has guts! He buys a drink and purposely spills it on himself on the stained part of his pants (pretending to be an accident). It does the trick in some clubs, but if they have the black light, you can still tell. Either way, I think the dancers know what you’re doing.
6. The leaver
This guy, damn near runs out the club like it was on fire after he bust. He hides behind chairs, tables and bar stools until he makes it to the exit. Running out of there like OJ in an airport, or George Castanza in an apt fire.
I don’t know the best way to handle it, but that’s just some of the ways I’ve seen others handle it. So if you are the “sensitive” type, you might want to unload before you come to the club. Take care and take heed.
sneeks
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Bouncer Rules Vol. 1
These are things I’ve seen people (friends or strangers) do in order to get kicked out of strip clubs. These stories may be expanded in the future. For now, they are part of the Bouncer Rules Vol. 1. This is just a list of five, in no particular order.
1.
DON’T ATTEMPT TO STICK ANYTHING IN A DANCER- This includes fingers and chicken bones. Yes, chicken bones. I was once at a strip club in Flint, Mi. where I saw a man try to stick a chicken bone in a stripper from behind. First she thought it was a finger and got pissed…….but when she realized it was a chicken bone she tried to kill the man.
2.
SNEEZE ON A STRIPPER- Yeah, I saw a guy get a lapdance and sneeze boogers on the strippers back. He got tossed. She on the other hand couldn’t get a guy to buy a lapdance from her for the rest of the night.
3.
DO NOT THROW COINS - Quarters, nickels, dimes, half dollars or pennies. Do not throw coins! It’s an automatic quick toss. Plus, coins hurt strippers! They can get hit in the eye or worse, slip on a coin with their clear heels and fall on their titty. Nobody wants to see a bruised titty. Please tip dollars, not coins. (Canada loony stories to come)
4.
DO NOT WAD UP MONEY THEN THROW IT- As harmless as it may seem, sometimes dancers feel degraded by that. Plus, dancers go to the club to dance for tips, not play dodge ball from them.
5.
WHIP YOUR JUNK OUT- This is an automatic ass kicking (unless it was advised by said stripper in private area of club). This is how people get the title of “pervert”. That’s the last title you want to have if you are trying to keep a job.
These are just the first five to come to mind, may be a Vol. 2 later. Take care and take heed.
Sneeks
1.
DON’T ATTEMPT TO STICK ANYTHING IN A DANCER- This includes fingers and chicken bones. Yes, chicken bones. I was once at a strip club in Flint, Mi. where I saw a man try to stick a chicken bone in a stripper from behind. First she thought it was a finger and got pissed…….but when she realized it was a chicken bone she tried to kill the man.
2.
SNEEZE ON A STRIPPER- Yeah, I saw a guy get a lapdance and sneeze boogers on the strippers back. He got tossed. She on the other hand couldn’t get a guy to buy a lapdance from her for the rest of the night.
3.
DO NOT THROW COINS - Quarters, nickels, dimes, half dollars or pennies. Do not throw coins! It’s an automatic quick toss. Plus, coins hurt strippers! They can get hit in the eye or worse, slip on a coin with their clear heels and fall on their titty. Nobody wants to see a bruised titty. Please tip dollars, not coins. (Canada loony stories to come)
4.
DO NOT WAD UP MONEY THEN THROW IT- As harmless as it may seem, sometimes dancers feel degraded by that. Plus, dancers go to the club to dance for tips, not play dodge ball from them.
5.
WHIP YOUR JUNK OUT- This is an automatic ass kicking (unless it was advised by said stripper in private area of club). This is how people get the title of “pervert”. That’s the last title you want to have if you are trying to keep a job.
These are just the first five to come to mind, may be a Vol. 2 later. Take care and take heed.
Sneeks
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Beautiful Stain
Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad at a strip club. I just moved back to Detroit from Atlanta and decided to go to an old hole in the wall strip club that I used to frequent every now and then before I was transferred from the city. When I arrived there, I was surprised to see that the rat hole scum bag dump of a place I was expecting to see had turned into a half way decent spot under “New Management”. “New Management” meaning the bullet holes on the wall were replaced by mirrors, the sign outside was now actually lit and the tables actually had some décor. The biggest and best improvement of all……the LADIES!!!! The “old management” would hire any raggedy ass flap jack un even tittied dancer that was able to “tip out” at the end of the night despite her flaws (flaws = Stab wounds, cigarette burns, bullet holes, pimp slap bruises, c section scars, stretch marks, buck fifty scars, fat, thick about to be fat, skinny from crack not skinny from working out, runny noses, bumps on arms, pimples on leg, British teeth, herpes lip, bad wig/weave). The “New Management” woman were top 10 WINNERS, DIMES, FINE, In Shape Fine, Thick Fine, Skinny fine, six pack Fine, beautiful face and body fine, Fake booby fine, Real booby Fine, big booby fine, little booby fine, all types of booty fine……FINE! That right there made me happy :0)
When I walked in the spot, one of the FINER strippers comes over and starts her “stripper conversation”. “Stripper conversation” is a bunch of bullshit questions leading up to the real question, which is “do you want a dance?”. Her stripper convo was pretty cool, witty, and intelligent which made her even hotter! Apparently, the strippers here were on their “A” game. We have a few drinks and laughs, then she finally ask the real question, “would you like a dance?”. I looked at her in shape, fine framed body and stated, “HELL YEAH!”. She gave me one of the best lap dances I could remember at that moment. I get excited (in my pants, no outside the pants action), she feels my excitement and goes to work. She just straddled that area back and forth. She seemed like she was enjoying it more than me. Moaning and stuff, Im thinking “Damn, momma! Do your thing….just not too loud” then I got to thinking, “I wish she’d do this dance while shuttin the fuck up” but she seemed like she was really into it. That’s cool, better than her being a dead fish. So, I pay for my dances, have another drink and leave.
I get home, still excited by the art of grinding displayed by the dancing talent, I decide to take a shower. I take off my pants and notice a brown stain on the leg part of my pants. I pull the stained part of my pant leg up closer to my face to guess where the stain came from and GOOD MERCY OF WOWSERS! The stain smelled like skunk shit! The stripper must have forgotten to wipe her ass after her last bowel movement and gave me the lapdance while accidentally wiping all of her nasty stenched dooky on my pant leg! Im pissed! My brand new pants now smell like a sardine and Limburger cheese sandwich. To top it off there are dried up crystals, like when a chick is wet (wet from horniness, not from pissing on herself…..we call it clitty litter) mixed in with the fecal matter on my leg! Needless to say, I haven’t been back to that spot since. I took the pants to the cleaners but still haven’t worn them again to this day. Maybe I should give them to the Salvation Army. I just feel bad giving any body my shitty left over pants. Oh well, I enjoyed the lap dance while it lasted. I guess the smell of stripper perfume, cigarettes and alcohol covered up the boo boo smell at the club. This leads me to the point of this story.
Smell the strippers good before you get a dance. You don’t want your pants smelling like bad pussy and shit.
sneeks
When I walked in the spot, one of the FINER strippers comes over and starts her “stripper conversation”. “Stripper conversation” is a bunch of bullshit questions leading up to the real question, which is “do you want a dance?”. Her stripper convo was pretty cool, witty, and intelligent which made her even hotter! Apparently, the strippers here were on their “A” game. We have a few drinks and laughs, then she finally ask the real question, “would you like a dance?”. I looked at her in shape, fine framed body and stated, “HELL YEAH!”. She gave me one of the best lap dances I could remember at that moment. I get excited (in my pants, no outside the pants action), she feels my excitement and goes to work. She just straddled that area back and forth. She seemed like she was enjoying it more than me. Moaning and stuff, Im thinking “Damn, momma! Do your thing….just not too loud” then I got to thinking, “I wish she’d do this dance while shuttin the fuck up” but she seemed like she was really into it. That’s cool, better than her being a dead fish. So, I pay for my dances, have another drink and leave.
I get home, still excited by the art of grinding displayed by the dancing talent, I decide to take a shower. I take off my pants and notice a brown stain on the leg part of my pants. I pull the stained part of my pant leg up closer to my face to guess where the stain came from and GOOD MERCY OF WOWSERS! The stain smelled like skunk shit! The stripper must have forgotten to wipe her ass after her last bowel movement and gave me the lapdance while accidentally wiping all of her nasty stenched dooky on my pant leg! Im pissed! My brand new pants now smell like a sardine and Limburger cheese sandwich. To top it off there are dried up crystals, like when a chick is wet (wet from horniness, not from pissing on herself…..we call it clitty litter) mixed in with the fecal matter on my leg! Needless to say, I haven’t been back to that spot since. I took the pants to the cleaners but still haven’t worn them again to this day. Maybe I should give them to the Salvation Army. I just feel bad giving any body my shitty left over pants. Oh well, I enjoyed the lap dance while it lasted. I guess the smell of stripper perfume, cigarettes and alcohol covered up the boo boo smell at the club. This leads me to the point of this story.
Smell the strippers good before you get a dance. You don’t want your pants smelling like bad pussy and shit.
sneeks
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